Vanilla sky

Hey there! 

It was more than a week ago that I watched this movie. I was studying for this big, important for me, but not relly important itself English competiton and I decided to take a break and watch a movie that my friends had been telling me about for half a year. 

I started with no expectations and I ended up being very confused near the end, but in the last 10 minutes, everything explained itself, and it was great. It was a mindfuck, really, but I didn't mind. I was patiently enjoying everything, waiting for the moment when the story would tell me how to fill the gaps and I would understand everything. And I did. And it was wonderful, because the movie gave me hope and at the same time it crushed me. 

When you lose the one thing that's most important to you, how do you keep going on? How can you face the people that are important to you? You're ashamed, but you face them anyway and then you try to change back. To be honest, that's really of no use, because changing back is not an option. You have to move forward. But what if you're not prepared yet? Well then you go and do something stupid that teaches you the lesson. And you lose everything once more, but then it doesn't matter, because you're ready to build a new life, aren't you? Changes .. Life. You can do it all  if you want to.

“My dreams are a cruel joke. They taunt me. Even in my dreams I’m an idiot… who knows he’s about to wake up to reality. If I could only avoid sleep. But I can’t. I try to tell myself what to dream. I try to dream that I am flying. Something free. It never works…”

I will not say more, because this really isn't the movie that someone should spoil. So just watch it and be awed. It's a greater mindfuck than The Uninvited. And if the most critical friend of mine says it's the greatest movie he's ever seen, the movie he watches over and over again, then it really must be a masterpiece. 

And it truly is.

Love, 

Allexa.

Everything comes to an end.

Hey.

Today I have finally finished One Tree Hill, a TV series with 9 seasons, the last one with only 13 episodes. Although I had seen parts of the last episode a few weeks back, today, when I understood everything for the first time, I actually cried. Everything comes to an end, even this.

Even though I saw this tv series in quite a tiny amount of time, I've seen the characters go from being high-schoolers, like me, to being adults. From partying, having reckless sex, being mean, not knowing who they are and what they are going to do, to being responsible, loving parents, to being honest, brave, fun, creative, to being people you are proud to call friends, family.

“Wanna play truth or dare? Actually, no let’s just play dare, nobody tells the truth anymore.”

- Brooke Davis, One Tree Hill

“You ever look at a picture of yourself and see a stranger in the background? It makes you wonder how many strangers have pictures of you. How many moments of other people’s lives have we been in? Were we a part of someone’s life, or when their dream came true, or were we there when their dreams died? Did we keep trying to get in, as if we were somehow destined to be there? Or did the shot take us by surprise? Just think. You could be a big part of someone else’s life and not even know it.”

- Lucas Scott, One Tree Hill

“You know, it’s been said that we just don’t recognize the significant moments of our lives while they’re happening. We grow complacent with ideas, or things or people and we take them for granted and it’s usually not until that thing is about to be taken away from you that you’ve realized how wrong you’ve been that you realized how much you need it, how much you love it. Life is funny sometimes. It can push pretty hard. But if you look close enough, you can find hope in the words of children, in the bars of the song and in the eyes of someone you love. And if you’re lucky, I mean, if you’re the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person you love decides to love you back.”

- One Tree Hill quotes ~ 3x20 - “Everyday is a Sunday Evening”

It wouldn't be a mistake if you watched this series. It would be the best choice ever. No vampires, no witches. Just life. Just people. Like us. There's a Brooke, a Peyton, a Nate, a Haley and a Lucas in all of us. Also, there are a lot of life lessons, but not boringly presented. They are fun. You can learn a lot and you can laugh and you can cry. One Tree Hill is a great experience.

And it has a great soundtrack !! [ both old and new music, as Peyton and Haley love music, Haley being a musician later on ]

These are the last lines:

"It's the oldest story in the world: one day you're seventeen & planning for someday. & then quietly - & without you ever really noticing - someday is today. & then someday is yesterday. & this is your life...We spend so much time wanting... pursuing... wishing... But ambition is good. Chasing things with integrity is good. Dreaming...
If you had a friend you knew you'd never see again, what would you say? If you could do one last thing for someone you love, what would it be? Say it... do it... don't wait. Nothing lasts forever...
Make a wish & place it in your heart. Anything you want. Everything you want.
Do you have it? Good. Now believe that it come true.
You never know where the next miracle is going to come from... the next memory... the next smile... the next wish come true...
But if you believe that it's right around the corner, & you open your heart & mind to the possibility of it - to the certainty of it - you might just get the thing you're wishing for.
The world is full of magic. You just have to believe in it.So make a wish. Do you have it? Good.
Now believe in it... with all your heart." 

I absolutely love it.

Night,
Allexa.

Stop complaining and start doing.

Hey there youuus.

I am feeling determined and a little bit happy. This past week I've learned lots, obtained great marks alongside B and also learned lots about life from our English tutor, Bogdan. From only one sentence, which was said hurriedly, I got to understand the way we are supposed to cope with everything, the way we are supposed to live life at its fullest.

"Stop complaining and start doing." he said. I believe that he is not the only one who ever said this, but he's the one that made me hear it by not giving any emotional involvement to it. He had heard us complain about so much things that he got tired of it and gave us a simple advice. You should stop complaining about how things are. Complaining is not going to improve anything, it's only going to harm you emotionally, to make you morose, to make you feel hopeless. You should do. Do things. Attend courses, do stupid things with your so-called friends, love the best you can, be kind to those who deserve it, learn, learn, learn, because this life is so short and we only breathe for so long.

The pain is not going to make it better. Trying again and maybe, just maybe succeding will. The  'what-if's will do no good, but the answers will.

You can't really do something right if you don't believe you can. Believe something will come true and it will. Work hard for it and you will see it before your eyes or feel it with your heart.

Saying " I'm fine " to those who don't matter is okay. Not everyone needs to know how you actually feel, but there are some people you can trust, there are people whose help you can ask for. Do it.

Positivity. Don't let people tell you that you can't.

Don't worry and don't think too much. Eventually, everything will be solved and the too much thinking will only create a problem that wasn't there in the first place.

But that doesn't mean what you had with the person wasn't real. It was real. At the time, the people you were then were suited for each other. Change is constant. You should not feel bad about it. Be happy you had something important at some point. Some don't get even that.

From time to time, we have to take a break to enjoy life. Stress keeps us from noticing the raw beauty of the world. You should also also travel. Read the whole book, don't get stuck on only one page.

And that pretty much says it all.

Life is to be lived. Life is to do things, as many things as you can. Write a book about your life, do skinny dipping, travel the world, meet the love of your life, tell people how you really feel, do the things you love, such as drawing or photography. And keep your family close. At the end of the day, they're going to be the ones standing beside you and they are going to be willing to take the fall for you.

I don't know how much of that advice I'm going to take, but I want to try. I want not to fight with my parents and my brother anymore and I don't want to hold useless grudges against people.

I am willing to try and live. Are you?

-Allexa.