Memories

Hey there.

It's been a while since I last took a look at my old blog, which I had on wordpress. It was funny to read, but it was also hard. All the memories and the past feelings that I had came crashing down on me and I could slowly feel my chest heavier, my lungs struggling to fill with air. It's strange. How everything changes so fast. How we don't notice it unless we look back, unless we glance at those times when we were kids and we were so... naive. And we were mean and karma hit us pretty badly and we learned what it was like to bleed and to turn our skin from porcelain, to ivory, to steel.

You look back and you realize than even though you've changed plenty and even though you don't miss who you were and how things used to be, you do miss it. And you do long for those days when you could be naive and stupid and rejoice in the process of growing up. Because although the process hurts, you can endure and deal with the consequences that don't last. But now that you're supposed to have grown up quite a bit, now that the consequences are more permanent and that friends matter, stupidity is no longer put up with, now that you should not be mean, but forgiving, how are you supposed to be naive? I do miss those times. But I don't miss them at all.

I am grateful to life for making me go through difficult situations, because now I can be more mature, while I can indulge and be retarded, stupid, free and reckless as well. Now I know how to hang with the people that I like, I know how not to lie and how not to speak badly. But the memories still give me chills. The speed at which time passes still frightens me. The fact that it could all be gone in a second makes me want to be able to make time stop. One summer. Over and over again. With the people that you care about. With your parents. With your whole family. Everyone sane. Everyone healthy. Everyone alive and together. Travelling. Staying still. Enjoying living. Why can't that happen? I'd enjoy not crying. I'd enjoy not remembering and dreading the memory of last year, of today, of tomorrow and of the summer that is knocking at our doors.

I'd give anything for time to freeze, for us to be stuck right in this moment, for us to never move from each other's side. That's where I'd like to stay. By their side. Seizing the days and laughing. Laughing until we can't breathe. Just that. I'd be happy with just that.

“Memories warm you up from the inside. But they also tear you apart.” 
― Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

“Some things don't last forever, but some things do. Like a good song, or a good book, or a good memory you can take out and unfold in your darkest times, pressing down on the corners and peering in close, hoping you still recognize the person you see there.” 
― Sarah Dessen, This Lullaby

Allexa.

Dressing up.

Hey there.

This week has been a crazy one, as usual, but it was worth it as yesterday, just after finishing my classe, arriving home and taking a nap I started getting ready for the anual Freshman Ball organised by our high-school. It wasn't that great of a party besides some staring, which I know means nothing, but I still enjoyed it and felt very happy, only to feel sour when I got home, and being a bit entertained by the Miss & Mr. contest. 

When the invited artist arrived, me and 4 girls left to go somewhere else, as we didn't enjoy his music. We wanted to go to KFC, as on the To-Do list was to go to a fast-food dressed up, but it was closed. So we decided to go to an italian restaurant instead, were me and B ordered chocolate cake and a non-alchoolic cocktail - Green Apple. The other girls said that it was a great drink, but it wasn't. It turned our teeth and tongues green. Just wait and see ! :D

Me and Anca

B and Andra

Me and B with green teeth and that horrible drink that was supposed to be great.

We got home at about 2 o'clock. I went straight to bed and the next day, meaning today, I had to go to a maths class at school, so I didn't get to sleep much. Tonight B will come and we'll have a sleepover. Hope to not be too tired.

Bye bye,
Allexa.

Everything comes to an end.

Hey.

Today I have finally finished One Tree Hill, a TV series with 9 seasons, the last one with only 13 episodes. Although I had seen parts of the last episode a few weeks back, today, when I understood everything for the first time, I actually cried. Everything comes to an end, even this.

Even though I saw this tv series in quite a tiny amount of time, I've seen the characters go from being high-schoolers, like me, to being adults. From partying, having reckless sex, being mean, not knowing who they are and what they are going to do, to being responsible, loving parents, to being honest, brave, fun, creative, to being people you are proud to call friends, family.

“Wanna play truth or dare? Actually, no let’s just play dare, nobody tells the truth anymore.”

- Brooke Davis, One Tree Hill

“You ever look at a picture of yourself and see a stranger in the background? It makes you wonder how many strangers have pictures of you. How many moments of other people’s lives have we been in? Were we a part of someone’s life, or when their dream came true, or were we there when their dreams died? Did we keep trying to get in, as if we were somehow destined to be there? Or did the shot take us by surprise? Just think. You could be a big part of someone else’s life and not even know it.”

- Lucas Scott, One Tree Hill

“You know, it’s been said that we just don’t recognize the significant moments of our lives while they’re happening. We grow complacent with ideas, or things or people and we take them for granted and it’s usually not until that thing is about to be taken away from you that you’ve realized how wrong you’ve been that you realized how much you need it, how much you love it. Life is funny sometimes. It can push pretty hard. But if you look close enough, you can find hope in the words of children, in the bars of the song and in the eyes of someone you love. And if you’re lucky, I mean, if you’re the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person you love decides to love you back.”

- One Tree Hill quotes ~ 3x20 - “Everyday is a Sunday Evening”

It wouldn't be a mistake if you watched this series. It would be the best choice ever. No vampires, no witches. Just life. Just people. Like us. There's a Brooke, a Peyton, a Nate, a Haley and a Lucas in all of us. Also, there are a lot of life lessons, but not boringly presented. They are fun. You can learn a lot and you can laugh and you can cry. One Tree Hill is a great experience.

And it has a great soundtrack !! [ both old and new music, as Peyton and Haley love music, Haley being a musician later on ]

These are the last lines:

"It's the oldest story in the world: one day you're seventeen & planning for someday. & then quietly - & without you ever really noticing - someday is today. & then someday is yesterday. & this is your life...We spend so much time wanting... pursuing... wishing... But ambition is good. Chasing things with integrity is good. Dreaming...
If you had a friend you knew you'd never see again, what would you say? If you could do one last thing for someone you love, what would it be? Say it... do it... don't wait. Nothing lasts forever...
Make a wish & place it in your heart. Anything you want. Everything you want.
Do you have it? Good. Now believe that it come true.
You never know where the next miracle is going to come from... the next memory... the next smile... the next wish come true...
But if you believe that it's right around the corner, & you open your heart & mind to the possibility of it - to the certainty of it - you might just get the thing you're wishing for.
The world is full of magic. You just have to believe in it.So make a wish. Do you have it? Good.
Now believe in it... with all your heart." 

I absolutely love it.

Night,
Allexa.