Boredom.

Hello to you too, world !

I know it has been quite a while since I last posted, but I've been really tired, in no disposition to share my thoughts, very bored and also very mad at times. This is going to be a rant post that could be useful for some of you. Later tonight I might even post something really inpiring, who knows. We shall see.

Until then, let me tell you that I do not enjoy going to school at all, even though I do like eating more. For some reason, I can't get any eating done at home. Back on the subject, people seem to have groups and actually have fun talking, laughing, living life. On the other hand, I, who claimed to like going through the day, to hold onto some hope, find myself surrounded in misery as I feel lost and not on the right track to finding what it is that I'm looking for. Moreover, I have been trying to focus on only what's important for me and what will matter when I go to college, but it seems to me that my teachers have something else planned. I had to go to the first phase of the maths olimpiada against my will as I did not want to upset my teacher and had to go to the phisycs one as well so as not to fail my class [ might I add that the phisycs teacher signed me up for the competition late and I could have not participated at all, but he just had to put my name on that list, didn't he? ]. Now I have to tell the maths teacher I won't be going to the next phase, as it will be at the same time with the English one. I definetely choose the English contest.! I won't make a fool of myself.

Going on, I have been taking the graphics class more seriously as just a few days ago I realised how difficult the admission exam for the Architecture Uni really is. I had a little bit of a breakdown at first, but then I told myself to work as hard as I can. Apart from that, after watching a couple of movies and a TV series, I also said to myself to start trying to do silly things with the people that I can do it with. No whining. It's not going to make anything better. And no second thoughts. Those are no good for certain !

Life is not that great nowadays and really small things can make me cry. The other day I hurt my finger while closing the car door and there was this tiny whole in it just after the accident. I started crying and then I continued crying not only for that, but also for no toilet paper in the bathroom, for my messy hair, for the awful teachers at school, for friends, for no boyfriends, for ex-friends and ex-boyfriends. 

If you hold your tears for too long, one day you'll end up crying for all of the bad things anyway, so you should just let it out when you have the opporunity. I know that now.

Also this. I have been told countless times that I am tactless or that I don't know how to be a good friend. The last statement is due to my constantly telling people what they want to hear and not what I really think. I don't know why that is. Maybe I just want them to make their own decisions, without me interfeering. Or I just don't want to get too involved, only to be left alone in a crowded room at the end of the day. Nonetheless, I want to have friends, consequently I am going to try to be a better one to those around me. I have to at least try. I owe it to myself and to those who try as well.

Having said all of that, I am going to go back to making plans and trying to live. You should do the same. We only live for so long and even though it's a cliché, in 20 years or more, you will only regret the things you didn't do or didn't try. And if you're going to want to try them then, it's going to be too late.

Have a good Sunday, folks!

Night, 

Alexa.