The perks of being a wallflower.

Dear Friend,

I have finally found something worth sharing. Today, after crying a lot because of what my grandfather thinks of me, after being cheered up by my mother and father and after talking normally with my brother, I tried to calm down. I stayed there and thought. I should do something. I should just do something. And I watched Lost again. And I talked to B and to Larisa. And to Freund to, even if lately we've been kind of distant to each other. B's not really talking as she's watching HIMYM. I started looking. I saw it. 

For the past week I have had this tab opened. It says "Things to be happy about". I don't know why, but it reminded me about The perks of being a wallflower. So I started browsing, and I ended up on this site where I download all my movies from. And I started typing, and I hit "Search" and there it is. The movie everyone'd been talking about. So I downloaded it. And I started watching it. At first, it didn't seem like it was anything special. Just one of those new movies, about the life of some messed-up teenagers. It was, but it was also so much more. I can't even explain it. Every quote, every action sinks in. At the end of the movie, just after the last scene and last word is being said, you get this high. 

I don't know how to describe it. You are infinite. You feel like you can do anything. You feel like it's all worth it. Like there's someone out there for you. There's a place. It gets better. It's not all worthless. It's life. Life can be awesome. You feel all those things and you listen to the soundtrack. You play it again and again in your head. It could be you. It is you. And it gets better.

But the feelings starts fading away, like any feeling given by a book or movie. It slowly starts disappearing, but you don't want it to. 'Cause you liked having the sense of being able to touch the sky.  I don't want that to go away. Not now, when I need it. I need something to hold on to. I will also read the book and then I will seek the feeling in everything surrounding me.

I want to live. I want to be able to look back and tell myself that I did the right things at the time. I want to be the adult in some situations and I want to be the kid in others. I want to be able to allow myself to be the kid.

And I want to love, without regrets. I want to be honest about my feelings. I will speak my thoughts when I feel like they are needed and I will let the silence speak for me when the words are needed no more. And I will try to do what's best for the ones that I care about. And I will try to make them feel better. I will try to make the sadness go away. Just for a second, a minute, a moment. I want everyone to feel in a moment that they are completely happy.

Enough said and enough with the image spoilers. I am telling you this now. You need to watch this movie. You might not be as impressed as I am, but you will surely like it!. 

The moments come all by surprise and we must try to move along.

Just for one day.

Keep trying. Keep hoping. Keep doing things.

Night,

Allexa.