And I am numb.

This will be a rather weird post, in which I will talk about/write about/tell you about my current emotional situation. If you don't want to read that's fine with me, but I feel the need to write it down, so I can keep track of my thoughts.

Today, the first time in a long time, I have been numb. I still do and I sense that it won't be going away for quite a while. Due to that, I will have to learn how to fake my smile again, but it will be okay. Because I won't die because of it. It will only make me stronger.

I am not numb because I love him, for God's sake (I stopped doing that a long time ago.), but for the fact that he is messing with my friend's head and heart. She believes him and there is nothing I can do to stop her from falling for her, because I have already done everything. She will fall, he will ask, she will say yes, they will date for 2-3 weekes and then, when he's finally realized he doesn't actually like her, he'll just dump her and go to the next one. Because that is what he does.
The girls in my old class new him, so they never fell for his act. I really miss them. They knew how to cheer me up and to tell me that everything was going to be okay with a convincing voice.

Mad as I am, I have stooped talking to him and he thinks it is because of jealousy :)) This might have been the reason one or 2 or 3 years ago, but now it is no longer the case.

I will just have to put a smile on my face, talk to her again, lively as I used to, wake up, get dressed, say that I am okay, go to school and come back home, eat, go to bed and wake up again, hoping that one day it will all be easier and I won't have to see him play with girls' heart.

Allexa.